Shift Your Destiny with Self-Compassion
Personal Alchemy Begins with Self-Compassion
Poem: To the Child Inside
to the child inside
there is no more need to hide
no reason to bear that armor
or put up walls that you've garnered
the mistreatment is finally gone
and you can't keep reliving what was cruel and wrong
it is time to free yourself of that pain
and learn there can be a brand new way
for years the shadows have snuffed your light
keeping you from living the purpose of your life
but all that darkness was intended for change
to help you transmute pain in a loving way
you see, you can't change what had been done
it never made sense and was the opposite of love
that tumultuous and merciless moment in time
drastically jaded the view from your eyes
how could it not when it was wrong and unfair?
but please remember the child inside still needs your love and care
The Hidden Truth About Healing
How would your life change if you could rewrite those painful stories and offer yourself the love and understanding you always deserved?
Have you ever wondered how changing your perspective could transform your entire experience of the world? What if true healing began with a single act of self-compassion?
We all carry stories within us—narratives shaped by past experiences, often written during our most vulnerable moments. These stories define how we see the world, how we see others, and, most critically, how we see ourselves. But what if the story you’ve been telling yourself isn’t the full truth? What if there’s another way—a new narrative that could transform everything?
That’s where self-compassion comes in. Not as self-pity, but as the gateway to deep, lasting healing. It’s a powerful practice that allows us to soften the grip of old stories and gently rewrite them from a place of love, understanding, and grace.
My own journey with self-compassion was not easy. It began with a single, painful realization: I had never really been kind to myself. Not truly. I had been living in reaction to old wounds, unaware of how deeply they shaped my view of the world and my place in it.
The Power of Perspective: A Childhood Story
I remember being a young child, folding towels in our family laundry room, eagerly seeking my mother’s approval. But when she refolded them with frustration, her sharp words cut deep. My childlike mind didn’t know how to interpret her stress and unhappiness, so I did what most children do—I blamed myself.
“Maybe if I was better, if I made her happy, then everything would be okay,” I thought.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that my mom was under immense pressure and heartache of her own. She was doing the best she could, but to a child, her stress became my perceived failure. This story planted seeds of insecurity and self-blame that would shape my life for years.
Healing cannot be done without a shift in perspective, and a great place to start is how we treat ourselves in light of our past or present situation. Self-compassion is taking a step back and viewing this from a birds eye view. It involves removing judgment and detaching from the meaning of the associated story. It involves kindness to oneself and seeing things from a place of understanding.
Why We Struggle with Self-Compassion
Most of us were never taught how to be kind to ourselves. We internalize external judgments, take on the burden of others’ pain, and forget that we deserve the same love and care we so freely give others.
What was difficult for me then was I did not feel a strong and safe attachment to my mother. I was constantly seeking ways to make her happy, because if I did then we could be happy. I could play with her or hug her or color her drawings that would make her smile while the smell of crayons would remind me of our relationship, not the isolation in my room I experienced.
In my case, this lack of self-compassion manifested as a disorganized attachment style. I oscillated between craving connection and withdrawing in frustration and fear. Layered with childhood trauma, my negative self-perceptions became deeply entrenched.
My bedroom would be the sanctuary I would retreat to. As a human design manifestor I have always loved my solitude and as the oldest of three siblings, strong independence was simply standard— but I did always long for a deep connection with my mom. On top of my childhood sexual abuse, this perceived lack of care and love cut deep into my bones. I felt so unloveable and so uncared for. All I wanted was nurturing, comfort and connection, but what I got was reminders of imperfection, annoyed energy in my presence and loud words of anger and frustration. How I chose to see the world and my place in it had been hardwired from these events. My perspective was more often than not negative and restrictive always making me feel empty inside and that misery was meant for my life.
But here’s the truth: We all carry these stories—and we all have the power to rewrite them.
Self-compassion is the first step in the personal alchemy journey because this road is hard enough sometimes. Bravery will be required. Discomfort will be felt through your bones. Raw emotions will bubble to the surface. Your mind will be scanning for threats and wanting to repeat old patterns, but there you will be each step of the way— accepting, showing understanding, and nurturing your soul back to life.
The Transformational Power of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the first step in the process of personal alchemy. It’s the act of standing in your own corner—of choosing to be your own ally, especially when the world feels harsh and unkind. It’s not about erasing the past but about embracing it with new eyes.
This shift changes everything.
When I began practicing self-compassion, the grip of my old stories loosened. My perspective changed, and with it, my perception of the world. I started to see opportunities where there were once only obstacles. I began to feel safe within myself.
I have worked through much of this and know my mom was doing the absolute best she possibly could at the time— as I am doing with my children now (Sorry guys, mommy makes many mistakes). But my methods aren’t perfect either and several times my kids have informed me of good intentions I had gone bad. This story isn’t to criticize my mother— it is to illuminate right where I needed to start to heal those wounds and insecurities.
I began working on inner child work through EMDR in therapy which was extremely fruitful for me. That modality, along with inner child work, really helped my primal brain centers connect to my higher-order thinking centers. When that happened, more made sense, I was able to detach from the pain and lack and thus learned to see things from a different perspective, allowing my life to unfold in ways I had only been able to dream of prior.
Not only did my perspective change, so did my perception of events in my life. I was actively choosing to see situations and circumstances in a different light and thus all external stimuli started to be interpreted differently in my mind, body, and soul. We receive thousands of signals a day and our brain must filter them instantly. When we have negative default patterns, we receive (as we perceive) most of the stimuli as negative too. This further hardwires our negative thought loops with ‘ample evidence’. But as we bring to the surface layers of healing, our perspective shifts, and what we then receive from the world does as well. In the process, we fuse different neural pathways and emotional somatic reactions in our bodies. We essentially embody the change we have always sought.
Healing in essence is choosing to see a different meaning and in the process, big emotions and faulty thinking transmute into something different. As they do, we no longer are controlled by our negative default responses and are granted the opportunity to interpret our lives anew. The more we choose this path, the more it becomes our new (and improved) response mechanism. At this point, we have rewritten the story from the inside out and no longer wait and pray in agony begging for mercy from the outside world.
Three Steps to Begin Your Self-Compassion Journey
I had to learn how to basically take care of myself in ways that I didn’t get fully when I was younger. I had to be kind, allow myself to create, hold myself when I was hurting, trade hurtful words for loving vocabulary, etc. It all felt weird in the beginning and I almost quit, but realized that if I didn’t give that to myself and essentially reparent old wounds and ways, who would? It allowed me to step back in time and address things in a kinder way, thus allowing me to transform my darkness into light— and freedom. Nothing feels sweeter than the release of a painful past that has run your life for way too long.
If you’re ready to experience this shift, start here:
Awareness – Identify Your Inner Story
Reflect on a painful experience from your past. What story have you been telling yourself about it? Write it down.Acceptance – Meet Yourself with Kindness
Imagine speaking to your younger self. What words of comfort would they need to hear? Hold space for those emotions without judgment.Action – Rewrite the Meaning
Choose a new perspective. If the meaning of your past isn’t fixed, what new meaning could set you free?
Exploring Deeper Self-Compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff has done immense work charging the field of self-compassion. While each person will have their own approach and adaptations, she identifies three components of self-compassion. As you read through the descriptions below, see if you can start to loosen the mind to allow for your journey in self-compassion to begin, addressing any objections that may arise with curiosity and inquisition as to where those might be stemming from— likely it is from a hurt inner child that needs you, hence why we are here.
The Three Elements of Self-Compassion
Self-kindness: Treating yourself as you would a loved one.
Common humanity: Recognizing that everyone experiences suffering.
Mindfulness: Being aware of and accepting your emotions without judgment.
The Inner Child Exercise: A Path to Deeper Healing
Write a Letter to Your Younger Self:
Find a quiet space, light a candle, or play soft music.
Hold a childhood photo of yourself.
Write a letter as if you were writing to a dear friend. Tell them everything they need to hear, needed to hear— needed to feel.
Share words that provide an emotional experience of comfort, healing, and compassion. Inspire them or remind them of how far they will go in the future and how their resilience will serve them well, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
If you have trouble accessing your younger you, you can reminisce old favorite movies, look at images of childhood toys or listen to songs you loved back then.
You can take this time to actually do an activity you once loved to do by asking them if they need anything right in this moment or what they would like to do in the future.
If this gets too hard at times, tell them you love them and you will return to this soon.
Keep this commitment so your inner child trusts you’ll be there even if others can’t all the time.
Read it aloud or turn it into art, a playlist, or something creative, releasing resistance and embracing acceptance for what was and now what can be.
Note if there are any different feelings or perspectives that arose during this activity. Did you experience any emotional transformative ripple effects? Let them linger a while.
Let the feelings free flow to the surface. This process can be profoundly healing. My example letter to my younger me is below our closing reflection. I am certain you will resonate during many lines mirroring a similar truth for your life.
Healing is Rewiring
As you practice self-compassion, something magical happens: Your brain and body begin to change. Neural pathways rewire. Emotional responses soften. You become less reactive and more grounded. What once felt overwhelming becomes manageable. This is the true essence of healing—transforming darkness into light and pain into power.
Closing Reflection
Self-compassion is not just an act of healing—it’s an act of revolution. When we choose to love ourselves in the face of our pain, we not only change our lives but ripple that change into the world.
So, here’s my question for you:
If you could pick one act of self-compassion to practice each day, what would it be?
When you embrace self-compassion, you open the door to profound transformation. You’ll build unshakable self-trust and experience emotional freedom like never before. Negative thought patterns will lose their power, and you’ll create healthier, more meaningful connections with others. Life will begin to feel expansive, filled with possibilities, joy, and the lightness of being that comes from knowing you are enough.
Imagine trusting yourself fully, flowing through life with grace, and reclaiming the parts of you that were lost along the way. This is what personal alchemy is all about—transforming your past into your greatest power and becoming the most authentic, free, and radiant version of yourself.
P.S. Don’t forget that self-compassion is not only for your healing— but also builds profound empathy to be shared with our world.
With love and a poem to inspire your younger you,
Mandi
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