A Simple Way Out of Feeling Stuck and Hopeless
Helpless and hopeless are suffocating things to feel, especially simultaneously. Sometimes life has ripped the rug right out from underneath us and we do not even recognize the destruction we are standing in anymore. There is a sense of loss and grief that pours over our hearts and a cold harsh realization that life will never be the same again.
When I was at my sickest, after healing from cancer but in the worst flare of my chronic condition, I was eighty pounds overweight. For someone who has always been fit and suffered from an eating disorder for decades, this was a difficult spot to be in emotionally, mentally, and physically. But what was worse was that nothing in my life looked the same anymore. It wasn’t just the weight, but crippling vertigo, intense inflammation, and pain as well as overwhelming fatigue that kept me confined to my bed many days.
I had always been a workaholic and took pride in the fact that I could be a high achieving six-figure earner in a heart-centered field all while balancing the illusionary trophy wife and dedicated PTO cookie baking carpooling mother. But when I was sick, I could no longer work. I could no longer care for my own children at times. I would have my mother (God bless her soul) come over and stay the night while my ex-husband was on shift so that if my kids needed me during the night, someone would be able to wake and take care of them. My entire identity was gone in one quick swoop and I felt worthless, helpless, and hopeless. I was severely depressed and couldn’t imagine any way out.
Nearing my 33rd birthday I was journaling like crazy trying to get to the root of the matter and finally, it hit me. I wanted my old life back. Not all of it, but the pieces that made me feel like me. And then this kind of defiant being came over me and I realize that just because my life had changed drastically, didn’t mean it was going to suck! I wasn’t going to let that happen. I couldn’t. I knew life was filled with so much more and I was missing it stuck in my grief.
I finally came to acceptance and then swore to myself that I wouldn’t let circumstances block my dreams and quality of life, but that I would figure a way out to make it just as good, or BETTER than I had always imagined it to be. From that day forward I chose to “focus on the can.” What can I do right now that gets me just a bit closer to where I want to go?
My first goal was to gain movement back again. I immediately cried because I used to be a three-sport athlete and now I was limited to my to the confines bed. But I wasn’t going to allow that snowball to happen. I knew I had to change my belief and it was going to be one of the most challenging things I had ever set out to do.
I was going to focus on the can and have a stubborn hope that no matter how it happened, it would get better in time. So I started, day one, walking around my bed. That was all I could do. It was a moment of defeat, yet freeing at the same time. The next day, I focused on the fact that I could do two laps around the bed. I did it! Then came day three. Day three was terrible. There was so much pain, I couldn’t do it. For once I made peace with what my body needed that day and gave myself grace for my deemed “failure”. Day four. What would it hold? One lap. Day five....two laps. Day six. Three! That was it.
That was all I needed to realize change isn’t linear but it doesn’t mean I am not making progress. It helped me to focus on what was in my control to move forward and let God do the rest. It has been years since that moment, and please know it was followed by many more years of testing, trial, and error to be where I am today, but that simple realization helped me get through the devastating years that were about to come and it is what I hold true to this day on continuing to renew my mind. I choose to see the possible, not the probable. I choose to believe even when all I want to do is cry and give up. I try hard not to let my past hurts and surmounting fears ruin my future.
I am positive you can relate to these feelings. Perhaps even right now you are dealing with the biggest upset thus far in your life. While I can’t explain why it all happened (that sometimes I believe is meant to stay unknown), but I do know that you are strong enough and resilient enough to get back up and not back down.
So…
What do you still want or are seeking? How can it still be attainable?
What beliefs will help you see that it can be the way you want it or better somehow?
What is within your control to do? What is not in your control and you need to let go of? How can you build your bank of faith to carry you through?
